G . . .is for Girls
Just by being here in this world, just by being born, you have earned the right to expect to have esteem for yourself. Self esteem is equally as important for girls as it is for boys, and we are not saying that self esteem for girls is more important. However, we are saying we need to take a serious look at the ways society as a whole trains girls to look at themselves. In the self esteem game, girls are usually at a definite disadvantage.
In life, girls generally feel less competent than boys in many areas. Being able to do a lot of things well is a builder of confidence, knowing that you have skills to take care of yourself does an enormous amount for your self esteem. In our society, although it is better than it used to be, women are still taught that if they 'get a man' ...the man will take care of things for them. Just that phrase says something - 'get a man' - getting a man sounds like a purchase, like I'm going to 'get some groceries'. If that is why girls form relationships with the opposite sex then it is indeed a purchase and the purchase price is their self esteem. Being able to take care of your financial life, do simple repairs, handle your car and car repairs...earn a decent living...are all areas that significantly add to self esteem. We have all heard the stories about widows who have absolutely no idea what their financial situation is or what to do about it when they find out, don't have a driver's license, and have absolutely no confidence in themselves as competent, independent human beings. If we care about each other as human beings we would not want to see this happen to anyone, male or female.
Girls are taught to be pleasing and accommodating, they are reared by society that this is a woman's role and that it's more important for them to be accommodating than to use their intelligence. After all, in the words of a friend of mind, "Wouldn't everyone like someone to pick up their socks?" This appears to be beneficial for the ones who are being accommodated, but in the long run there is no free lunch. After years of accommodating others at the expense of themselves, a person can become angry and bitter and this will leak out to everyone around this person. So once again, there is a price to pay.
As girls reach puberty they come into an especially fragile and dangerous time for their self esteem. In our society, boys are prized and valued more for their accomplishments and talents...and girls are prized and valued more for their looks. Our entire society is youth oriented, especially for females, and this is evident to anyone who opens a newspaper or magazine or who watches T.V. and movies. This is dangerous for both girls with the current beauty ideal (voluptuous or skinny, tall or tiny, blond or brunette - or whatever they are at the time) and for those girls who do not have the current beauty ideals. For the girls who have these attributes, society says that all they have to do to be successful and loved is to be pretty...they are not encouraged to support and nourish their curiosity, intelligence, character and integrity...the very qualities that will stand them in good stead when the so-called 'beauty' fades. For the girls who do not meet the current standards of beauty, society makes them feel somehow less than adequate, as if they are 'not enough' just as they are.
Both sides of the coin are unhealthy and if we care about the young women in our society, we all need to work together to ensure a healthier, more self confident group of young women in the future. There have been many studies about teachers and classrooms and how boys are called on to participate more than girls are, the girls hiding their intelligence because it is not feminine, etc. This is indeed true, however, teachers are people - just as we all are - and subject to the same influences of society - just as we all are. We cannot point the finger at one cause of this problem, we all must take responsibility for our roles. We need to address this problem in the homes as well as the schools, we must value our girls for qualities other than looks or being passive and accommodating. We need to take a look at the advertising for clothes, cosmetics and all surface physical stuff - we seem to be teaching our children that if they have all these wonderful 'things' they will be happy, successful, and loved. We need to look at what we're spending our money upon! Companies wouldn't be making $125.00 sneakers if there was no one out there to buy them! We have to take a serious look and determine whether or not we've become pawns of the advertising industry and if so, it's time we took back control of our society for the health of our children.
We need to look at the values we are teaching our children. We all have to take responsibility, we are all in this together.