H ... is for Happiness
The concept that the folks that seem to need happiness the most are the very ones that are making sure they don't get it for themselves seems crazy at first. However, this concept begins to make sense if we consider the following realities.
If we already have positive self esteem we are more inclined to treat others with respect and fairness. We do not approach our dealings with other people expecting to be manipulated or rejected and therefore do not usually receive this kind of treatment. Mind is the builder, and what you visualize and expect is usually what you get!
If you experience yourself as lovable, then the experience of love feels natural. Loving others and having others love you doesn't feel unnatural and doesn't make you anxious. Being able to give and take love is an integral part of self esteem, and by this we are not just talking about romantic love, although that is indeed part of it. There is love for children, love for friends, love for our fellow participants in life, love for life itself! All of these including romantic love make for happiness.
If you do not feel lovable, then it's hard for you to believe that others could love you. If you do not feel lovable inside yourself, then no amount of love pouring in from others will fill that emptiness. The irony is that if others are persistent in showing their love, you, in your unlovable state, will think of them as even lower than yourself and therefore not credible. "They must be really awful if they love me." You're also likely to use these people as targets for your own self-hatred!
Even if you come across someone with whom you could have a good relationship, you find ways to ruin the relationship, so that you can prove to yourself that you are right - "See, I was right, I am unlovable", or "See, I knew their love wasn't dependable!" You can sabotage love in many ways...jealousies, unfair rages, constant neediness...you can find many tools to use to sabotage love!
For those of us that have or have had the feelings that they don't deserve happiness or that if they find it, it won't last, the only thing we can do is take it 'one day at a time'.
We need to allow ourselves to feel happiness even if it's 'one day at a time', or even 'one moment at a time', until we get more accustomed to how that feels and lose the fear of it. Each time we choose to feel and trust love over fearing it, we're that much closer to maintaining continual higher self esteem and happiness in our life.